this video thing is failing
i predict it'll pick up in the summer-when u guys are free-er
i have to write
you guys probably won't see this for a while
but it doesn't matter-i have to write now or i'm gonna ..i don't even know-cry, shut down, whatever.
i don't know what it takes to be loved.
i can't say it any clearer than that.
i'm so afraid of spending my life alone. fuck. tears.
i'm staying far away from ginz, trying to forget zach because at the base of things, he is not nice. and yeah. in general, male friends=trap, for me at least. never have enough time or py enough attention, they don't actually care. i can't deal with that. i want to close myself off from them so i can stop hurting myself mentally with the realization ever weekend that they don't actually care about me, but i'm afraid cutting myself off is dangerous. i might sink into quiet manic depression, might crawl under the bed and never come out. literally.
because after them, who's left?
You seniors and college freshmen are a group on to yourselves, and apparently, the hardest time in highschool is fast approaching. stress-friends would equal a horrible thing, and i see myself faking that shit til second semester, because none of this friendship is real.
